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Q and A: Behavior Problems Question 2. My son has a Traumatic Brain injury. He received it as a result of being thrown from our vehicle, when we had a very horrible car accident when he was 4. He is now 12. His behavior has become increasingly worse. He at times is very loving but more often is very angry and verbally and at times physically abusive. Due to his behavior he has a lot of trouble with peers as well as family. I never get a break because no one can handle him when he gets out of control. My fiancée and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. During that time we have had many problems with our relationship partly because of my son's problems. He has tried to be patient and understanding and involved in my son's therapy. I guess I just hope some day our lives can become more normal! We all miss out on a lot of enjoyable family time due to the unpredictable outbursts. Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated! Response: Your son is at a difficult age for any child, typical or not. Not knowing his cognitive level or communication skills, it is difficult for me to comment on his behavior in a detailed way. When a child has been traumatized, however, more often than not the whole family is affected to some degree or another. Your relationship may also be fragile, as a result, for it is hard to go on indefinitely missing out on what you describe as "normal family fun." On the other hand it is hard to let go of the drive to care for your injured child. I am sure that the hearts of many readers go out to you and your fiancé whom you are certainly blessed to have by your side. First, I would suggest making time for whatever type of fun activities that work for your family. Try to follow your son's lead in ways that can be fun for everyone as child psychiatrist Stanley Greenspan describes in his "floor time" approach. You can read about this approach in detail in "The Child with Special Needs: Encouraging Intellectual and Emotional Growth" by Greenspan and Serena Wieder, Ph.D., which I mention frequently in this column. Secondly, I would suggest that you consider getting help for the specific problem behaviors which are making life difficult for your family. The rule of thumb which I suggest to people is that when you spend more time not enjoying your child than enjoying your child, it is time to seek professional guidance. There is probably no easy answer or the therapists who work with your son would have found it by now. There may be better ways to deal with the problem behaviors which may be found to be somewhat predictable to a skilled professional. Thirdly, however difficult it may be, it is essential for your own mental health and for your relationship to find someone who can handle your child so that you and your fiancé can enjoy time together without the stresses and strains of the problems you describe. In most states respite care is available through your local developmental disabilities or mental retardation program. You might also find someone through the special education department of a local college or university where many students are eager to get experience as they develop skills for a career helping children with special needs. I encourage you to reach out further--it is time. RN |
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