Q and A: Behavior Problems
Question 4. My daughter Katie is suffering from Post Encephalitic
Syndrome. She is physically 5 years old, but her mental age is 2 1/2. She has
moderate brain damage and ADD.
My problem arises at school. Katie is enrolled in an all day Special Ed
Kindergarten. When Katie gets angry (she also has verbal apraxia), she lashes
out at whoever is in the way. She hits, spits, screams and has temper tantrums.
How can I help her to try and control her anger? She sometimes does this at home
too, but I can usually get her to calm down and use her words. I am very
frustrated. Please help!
Response: Take heart. You are on the right track in how you are approaching this. Your
daughter is communicating her frustrations through her behavior. The key is to
help Katie to calm herself enough to use her words. What you are doing right may
help at school. A team approach may help you and her teacher and therapists to
coordinate what works to help Katie in this way.
Everyone should remember that since your daughter is developmentally delayed by
2 and a half years that her behavior reflects that reality. I have seen what you
describe with my own son, as well as with hundreds of other children with
special needs. As communication skills improve, hitting, screaming, biting, and
other problem behaviors tend to decrease rather rapidly. The same is true with
typically developing two-year-olds who are going through the terrible twos.
Sometimes parents, educators, and mental health professionals focus too much on
the problem behaviors. It can help to look at what is going on when those
behaviors are absent. The absence of the problem can give us insight into how to
have more time without the undesirable behavior. This kind of problem-solving
approach can happen in team meetings and feel positive and productive to all
parties.
It can break a parent's heart to see the kind of problems you are describing.
You must want your child to catch up and act appropriately. That's only
natural. Who would you be if you didn't feel that way? Children with special
needs can be simultaneously endearing, loveable, frustrating and extremely
challenging. Their behavior problems can stress their parents to unbelievable
lengths. Sometimes, the grief over the typical child we may have lost is
contained in our frustrations about these everyday challenges. Problems like
those you describe can take the joy out of family life.
Try to spend as much time as you can enjoying your child. Remember most of all
that it is absolutely key to take our child's developmental level into account. Joining her where she is, following her lead, having fun, and expanding
communication will help her grow. This is true at home as well as in school. This developmental approach, developed by Stanley Greenspan, M.D. and others,
can help us understand these behaviors and guide children towards more socially
appropriate ways of expressing themselves.
RN
