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Anger in
the Aftermath of September 11
by Cindy N.
Ariel, Ph.D.
In our
minds’ eyes, we watch with defiant satisfaction as the U.S. retaliates with Anger is a natural part of the process of grief. Angry, vengeful feelings are totally normal reactions to the pain and suffering we feel in our grief and sadness. These feelings unfortunately often make people feel guilty for having them, and make those around us a little (or sometimes a lot) fearful of our actual reactions. Anger is an extremely difficult emotion for most of us to deal with, feelings of rage often feel out of control. Yet these feelings do need to be felt and expressed. In various ways and degrees, we are all casualties of the terror attack. We are not bad people for feeling angry and retaliatory; we are good people having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. We are working to deal with the horrors of our grief, to rid ourselves of the terror and the pain. At the same time, most of us know that even the most violent revenge could never change the horrible consequences of the destruction we have suffered, could never compensate us for the harm wreaked upon us all. Yes we are angry. And we deserve to be. The doers of these acts are criminal. We are right to be self-righteous and indignant towards them. But if we kill an innocent person we will no longer be so. The fight-flight reactions to anger are involuntary reactions, ‘knee-jerk’ responses. We teach our children, warring gangs, even other countries, to exercise restraint during times of pain and mourning. We must muster all our strength to take the high moral road of our principles. In righteous indignation we must strengthen and re-build our buildings and our lives. We must increase our intelligence and security, and prosecute sociopathic criminals to the fullest possible extent of the law. We need to review and change our image abroad, build coalitions, offer true avenues to peace that will truly separate us from our enemies and any enemies of humanity that exist. We can use what strength and power we possess as a nation to lead the world by our example of living within our principles ... no matter what.
Of course our
country has the power to destroy other nations; but a truer display of our
power would be to have the restraint not to use it for war but to use it to
start peace. What will a massive retaliation that kills innocent people teach
the others? When is inhuman cruelty an exception in our national or
international policies, laws, or principles? As we profess, so must we all
learn to think and be rational in the face of anger and deep hurt. The
thoughts of violence and revenge are normal, but the actions will blur the
lines between criminal and non-criminal, between sanity and insanity.
Revenge need not be hostile and violent. Becoming criminal will not increase our power. Sadly, neither hatred nor love can bring back our loved ones, re-build our buildings, or make us feel more secure. Getting even by destruction will only repeat the trauma on others who will grieve and feel angry, swearing vengeance upon us - the perpetrators. We must transcend the desire to act out vengefully and avert the catastrophic sequence of events that may result. Painfully, we must come to terms with our losses - our fears, our sadness, and our anger. We do not have to lower ourselves by behaving like the all-powerful monster we have the capacity to be and degrade our image both within and without. Our individual and collective grief will only heal over time - with care, compassion, and understanding. During this time, we all need to reach out to give and receive support and understanding, and begin to rebuild our lives and our buildings in righteous indignation. A violent war must not be our monument to those who have died at the hands of criminal terrorists. There are much stronger and effective ways to fight back. To make their lives really count, we must find ways to make their lives and their deaths meaningful. The waving of the flag in unity should not become a symbol for the waging of war. Perhaps they would like to see that they died for peace and freedom, not for a holy war. Would any of them really want even one innocent person killed in their name? Years ago, a friend confronted me with how the anger of my grief over my brother’s death had become a grief of its own. It was not helping me to live my life, or to do justice to my brother’s. I now know that this guy was a true ally. Just maybe we can keep those whose lives were lost in the horrid attack alive forever in our hearts and in our deeds. We owe it to them to mark their lives as the beginning of a true journey to peace.  Cindy N. Ariel, Ph.D.
514 S. 4th
Street
Philadelphia,
PA 19147
(215)
592-1333
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just punishment for the perpetrators of the heinous crimes of September 11,
2001. They deserve it. After I lost my brother in a car accident I was angry
at others for 4 years, even though the circumstances of the accident left no
one in particular to blame. It’s just that grief hurts so incredibly much and
mourning is so difficult and painful.