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Mental Health Q and A
Question 1: My son, an only child, age 10 1/2, has had a regression to
imaginary friends. He had them when he was small and going through stressful
changes in his home and health. However, life is stable and although he has had
some recent health problems, he has begun again with the imaginary friends. He
talks to them and about them all the time. He knows that they are imaginary as
he reminds me sometimes when I get confused if he is talking about a real person
or not. He is in special education for gross and fine motor delays and speech
therapy. He has had a long history of ear\hearing problems since he was an
infant. He was a floppy baby who would not breast feed and had apneic episodes.
While a newborn, he used an apnea monitor for the first 6 weeks of his life with
no incidents.
My main concern is should I try to stop this behavior or let it go. It has not
lessened and seems to take up more of his free time at home with us. He does not
have any real close friends and no one to play with in the area. Because of his
disabilities ( he can't play sports, ride a bike, etc.) kids don't want to play
with him. Thanks for your advice in advance.
Response:
Imaginary friends play an important part in the development of children. Only
children may have them longer than children with siblings or an close-knit
extended family. Since he knows that they are imaginary, this is not a symptom
of a serious emotional disturbance. I would advise you not to try to stop his
fantasies. Through these imaginary friends, your son is most likely trying to
work out some of the themes in his life. For openers you could discuss these
themes with him. The child's world is the world of play. So by joining your
child there, you can find out what is on his mind and what is going on in his
world.
Little doubt that his loneliness as an only child who has special needs is the
main issue as you describe. He needs some real friends and playmates. Probably
the best way for him to meet children would be through activities that HE CAN
DO. We all make friends with people who like the things we like. Of course, it
is hard not being able to play sports or ride a bike. Your son needs to be able
to express his thoughts and feelings about that. I wonder how all this feels to
you. It must be hard to stand by at times. Feeling helpless to make this all
better would not be unusual for a loving parent.
The basic approach I would suggest beyond listening and talking to him about his
imaginary friends is to focus on his abilities. Think about what YOU CAN DO to
help him find activities he likes where he can meet other children with and
without disabilities. Perhaps your son's school counselor or social worker could
make some suggestions. I also suggest that you check into some of the
organizations for children with physical disabilities.
There are many bright, fun loving children with physical disabilities. Your son
sounds like one of them. Your life and his will be brightened by connecting with
some families in similar circumstances. It will take time, but your efforts will
bear fruit.
best regards,
RN
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