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Mental Health Q and A
Response: I hope that by now you have cried and released some of your intense feelings of grief. You’re having quite a normal response to such bad news. It might feel as if you are losing your little girl. It may also seem as if someone died, but obviously that is not the case. Still your reactions make sense. What is true is that your dream of who your daughter is and would become has taken a blow to the heart. You may be feeling waves of fear, guilt, depression, anger, and shame. These feelings signal a broken heart which will take time to heal.
Let the feelings wash over you. Your depression makes you go inside to find meaning. OCD is a form of anxiety which you mention you have as well. Rest assured that all of us have some anxiety—in fact we couldn’t live without it. Some people have a clinical level which means that it interferes with the activities of daily life. In particular, you may be sensing some guilt that you have passed this on to your daughter. As parents we can’t help but pass on all sorts of genetic material to our children, and OCD is often genetically linked. We have no control over that. We can, however, help our children by how we deal with their special needs however they originated.
As soon as you are able, reach out to your family and friends for support and comfort. Give your lovely daughter a hug and keep believing in her. I bet that when you are with her, you are still enjoying her and wondering how you can feel so bad when you think about the OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Mental disorders are particularly baffling because the child or adult appears “normal” much of the time. The problem is invisible until, for example, your daughter insists on washing her hands because she just touched something that she believes is toxic. Another example might occur when she retraces her steps in order to avoid stepping on a crack in the sidewalk. It can extremely frustrating to the whole family as well as the child who is affected. Because mental disorders are invisible, they are hard to accept. There is also a stigma involved socially as many people are not tolerant and regard mental disorder as a sign of “weakness.”
You are being strong in reaching out for help here on about.com. That your child has been diagnosed so young is a good thing. OCD is often hidden and diagnosed much later if at all when the behaviors are harder to change. The prognosis is very positive for children who receive specialized treatment. Medication is not always necessary. I want to make some practical suggestions which you may or may not have found in your initial research:
1. Take your daughter to a mental health professional who is a specialist in treating children with obsessive-compulsive disorder. You can find such a person through the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation at http://ocfoundation.org/ which is a wonderful all around resource. 2. There are many new and helpful books on the subject. For you, I highly recommend Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Powerful Practical Program for Parents of Children and Adolescents by Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D. 3. For your daughter, I recommend Blink, Blink, Clop, Clop by E. Katia Moritz, and Polly's Magic Games : A Child's View of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Constance H. Foster, Edwin A. Chase (Illustrator).
Finally, remember that parenthood gives us another crack at ourselves and our own growth. Loving our children often forces us to confront our own inner demons. As you help your daughter with her anxiety, you may find out things that will help you with yours. I am not by any stretch implying that this is an easy road. With hard work and professional guidance, your daughter will improve. Expect the grief to come and go, but your love will surely endure.
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